


Of Mentality and Sexuality

by Tsukunea



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-12 08:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5659255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukunea/pseuds/Tsukunea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cup.<br/>It all started with a cup.<br/>A simple cup of simple tea on a simple morning at a simple job. But just how was it then that this had all become so complicated?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, I started working on it just this past week, so feedback is incredibly appreciated! Thank you so much for reading.

A cup.

It all started with a cup.

A simple cup of simple tea on a simple morning at a simple job. But just how was it then that this had all become so complicated?

Makoto Tachibana thought that today would be another normal day of college, classes late morning and work afterwards, but today something was different. He could tell when he woke up that day that something special was close. Today would be normal, for the most part. Makoto was in his second year of college working as a barista at the café near campus. He got a call last night from a friend and co-worker asking him to cover his shift. This would be Makoto’s first time working during the morning rush of zombie-like half-awake students.

After hitting the snooze button about three times, Sousuke Yamazaki rose from his bed, showered and dressed and headed to campus. On his way to his first class, he stopped by the café just like he did every day, a bit earlier than the large crowd of students who would meander in throughout the morning. Only this morning seemed different. Had the décor been changed? No, he knew what was out of place, the barista. The barista at the counter today wasn’t the person whom he would normally chat with. Sousuke didn’t remember seeing this person anywhere on campus before, was this guy new? _Doesn’t matter though,_ thought Sousuke, _I’ll just get my drink and be on my way._

Makoto thought that he was ready for the morning patrons, waiting for the customers to start coming in. Makoto was immediately proven wrong at a loss for words. His first customer was tall and buff with muddy brown hair and sharp teal eyes. The rough-looking teen standing in front of Makoto had ridden here on a motorcycle and was wearing a fitting leather jacket over a graphic tee with denim jeans and black leather boots, otherwise known as his normal attire.

“Um, uh, c-can I take your order?” Makoto stumbled over his words as he tried, to no avail, to keep his cool around this total hunk.

“Just one matcha, thanks,” replied Sousuke.

“C-coming right up,” Makoto awkwardly smiled and went to work on making the beverage. The young adult standing before him seemed to have an extremely brash exterior, but when talking with him, Makoto hadn’t noticed anything but a polite natured rebel.

“Here you are, sir,” while handing the drink to Sousuke, their fingers brushed sending an electric shock to both of them, causing the teen behind the counter to blush and recoil slightly.

“You seem familiar. Name’s Yamazaki, by the way, Sousuke Yamazaki. It was nice to meet you,” the teal-eyed teen said nonchalantly.

“Makoto Tachibana, and likewise,” replied the green-eyed barista quickly, so as not to stutter.

Even though one matcha was simple, Makoto felt like that was the most complex task he’d ever completed. Sousuke turned away as Makoto took a deep breath and tried to gather himself. As the taller boy walked out the door, drink in-hand, the only thing on either teen’s mind was _“Hot damn.”_

Throughout the rest of the day, and especially during the large flow of customers that followed Sousuke’s leave, Makoto couldn’t focus on anything no matter how hard he tried. During the next few days, he would catch himself zoning out during class, not paying attention to where he was walking, and he felt like after meeting Sousuke, Makoto began seeing him around campus more and more…

***

Was Sousuke imagining it, or was he really seeing Makoto around campus more? It had been almost a week since they met. They had never seen one another on campus, or if they had, they hadn’t noticed. As he was hurrying into his English Lit class, his body met a hard object and sent him to the floor. _Did I run into a wall? That must be it,_ Sousuke thought as he held his throbbing head. But when he opened his eyes, he was even more surprised. There on the floor next to him was Makoto.

“I’m so sorry,” Makoto apologized repeatedly while he helped Sousuke off of the floor.

“So that’s what happened, I ran smack into you. Sorry about that, I must be in the wrong class,” Sousuke apologized in return, “It’s not the first time this has happened.”

“This is English Lit with Professor McPherson,” explained Makoto, hoping to help Sousuke realize where he was.

Lit with McPherson? That was exactly where he was supposed to be. Sousuke looked at his watch to make sure he wasn’t here at the wrong time. Did he really have a class with Makoto? How had he not noticed?

“Well then I guess this is the right class after all. Nice to see you again, though our meeting was a bit rough,” Sousuke played it off easily and got a chuckle out of Makoto.

“Well since we both have this class; would you mind sitting together?” Makoto suggested with a wide smile.

“Sounds good,” Sousuke accepted graciously. He may have been falling for this guy, hard, but he wasn’t going to let it be known to anybody.

As the two picked a pair of seats and walked to them, Sousuke caught himself staring intently at the other’s ass and was thoroughly disgusted with himself. That was the one thing that Sousuke hated, thinking of himself as or being called gay. He couldn’t stand it. It was one of the only things that could send him over the top in to a fit of blind rage. He couldn’t possibly be gay, gay guys act feminine and flamboyant with high voices. Gay was one thing that Sousuke wasn’t. He rode a motorcycle for Christ sake! Sure he had experimented back in high school, every guy does, right? Well, one guy mainly, his best friend, at that time at least. But it’s not gay to get a blowjob from a guy, he was sure of that.

Makoto and Sousuke continued to chat at their seats for a minute until the professor, small in stature but not outrageously so, and with her black hair pulled into a small ponytail, was ready to begin the class. Makoto immediately noticed her energetic demeanor and sense for fashion.

“Alright class, beginning today we will be studying one of the most famous poets and playwrights to come from the British Isles,” the professor explained, “Can anyone guess who that might be?”

“Shakespeare!” shouted an excited student from the back of the lecture hall.

“Mm, good try but you’re about 300 years too early. Anyone else?”

Silence.

Sousuke slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?”

“Would it be Oscar Wilde?” Sousuke inquired.

“Correct! Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde was an Irish playwright, novelist, and poet born in Dublin, Ireland on the 16th October, 1654, and died in November of the year 1900 in Paris,” explained the prof, “Does anybody know of any of his works?”

Again, Sousuke took the question. “His most famous works were ‘The Importance of Being Earnest,’ and ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray.’”

“Precisely! My dear, do we have a Wilde fan in here?” she posed the question with a hint of surprise, like she had never had a student who was interested in the legendary Oxfordian.

Not a word came from the stoic teen whom Makoto was sitting next to. Although he was silent, Makoto could tell that Sousuke was very interested in this particular author, maybe Makoto would have to look closer into this Wilde fellow.

Professor McPherson sighed, “Anyways, Wilde became rapidly famous in the British Press and all over in both Britain and America, not because he’d written anything particularly extraordinary at the time, but because of the way he dressed and the way he spoke. In the middle of the Victorian Era, one of sobriety, black frock coats, and decency, and indignation, and a sense of moral purpose and superiority, Wilde was colorful and bright, vivid in extraordinary paradoxes.”

The professor paused to let the information sink in.

Makoto looked up from taking notes towards Sousuke, who seemed to be bored out of his mind. Did he already know this information? Makoto personally found it incredibly interesting. Wilde was like a celebrity of the Victorian Era. He couldn’t help but wonder what was going through this hunks head right now, and he could prevent his mind wandering into the gutter. Makoto felt the blood rush to his face and he immediately became hot and bothered and buried his face into his hands, causing the teen next to him to look at him intriguingly.

“After university, Wilde moved to London into fashionable cultural and social circles. As a spokesman for aestheticism, he tried his hand at various literary activities: he published a book of poems, lectured in the United States and Canada on the new "English Renaissance in Art", and then returned to London where he worked prolifically as a journalist. Known for his biting wit, flamboyant dress and glittering conversation, Wilde became one of the best-known personalities of his day.

“He met a woman named Constance Lloyd, utterly beautiful and his perfect soulmate. He proposed three years later at the age of 30 while lecturing at Gaiety Theatre in Dublin and they married later that same year. The couple has two children, Cyril and Vyvyan, born 1885 and 1886 respectively. Cyril committed suicide by running headlong into the first World War trying to prove his manliness, whatever it meant to him.”

A hand was raised near the front of the class and when given the attention, the student said “But hold on a minute, you’re talking about marriage, wasn’t Wilde gay?”

Makoto perked up. If Wilde was gay, why did he marry? He could tell that Sousuke perked up too out of the corner of his eye.

“Ah yes, thank you for that, I was getting to that next,” the professor returned to the subject she was lecturing on, “In 1891, Wilde was introduced to Lord Alfred Douglas, an undergraduate at Oxford at the time. An intimate friendship sprang up between Wilde and Douglas and by 1893 Wilde had fallen completely in love with Douglas and they consorted together regularly in a tempestuous affair. Wilde never fell out of love with his wife, so he wouldn’t be classified as exclusively homosexual. They became lovers, but the word homosexual didn’t exist then. Once there’s a word for it, you suddenly feel as though you must choose sides of a sort of line, dividing and categorizing yourself. Rather than falling in love with people, it forces you to think that you must fall in love with people of a specific gender or whatever the case may be, which is of course not how love works.

“Before the categorization, you were neither gay nor straight because the two hadn’t been differentiated. You saw an attractive person, you said to yourself ‘I really would love to give that person a thorough licking’ as Stephen Fry puts it. Then you would say afterwards ‘Hang on, that’s a chap, that can’t be right. Well let’s give it a crack and see what happens.’ But once there’s a word for it, you think ‘That would make me a homosexual. Well hold on, I can’t be that,’ because it’s against the law, because it’s disgusting, because it’s against this religion, et cetera and so forth, and you become a noun instead of a verb. Everything is a process. We are all verbs, we happen, we be ourselves.

“Lord Alfred’s father, the Marquess of Queensberry, was of course much less than enthused and demanded that Wilde stop seeing Alfred, to which Wilde responded by throwing the Marquess out of his house. In suing the Marquess for libel after being called a “somdomite” in a letter left to him with a porter at a country club, the court case collapsed and caused Wilde to be shamed for his “indecency” as the Victorians would put it. However, when given the chance to flee persecution to France, because it was at that time illegal in Britain to take part in “gross indecency,” Wilde waited at the Cadogen hotel for the unfolding of the events on his horizon. What happened next is properly surmised by John Betjeman’s poem ‘The Arrest of Oscar Wilde at the Cadogan Hotel’ (1937) which is as follows:

He sipped at a weak hock and seltzer  
As he gazed at the London skies  
Through the Nottingham lace of the curtains  
Or was it his bees-winged eyes?

To the right and before him Pont Street  
Did tower in her new built red,  
As hard as the morning gaslight  
That shone on his unmade bed,

‘I want some more hock in my seltzer,  
And Robbie, please give me your hand —  
Is this the end or beginning?  
How can I understand?

‘So you’ve brought me the latest Yellow Book:  
And Buchan has got in it now:  
Approval of what is approved of  
Is as false as a well-kept vow.

‘More hock, Robbie — where is the seltzer?  
Dear boy, pull again at the bell!  
They are all little better than cretins,  
Though this is the Cadogan Hotel.

‘One astrakhan coat is at Willis’s —  
Another one’s at the Savoy:  
Do fetch my morocco portmanteau,  
And bring them on later, dear boy.’

A thump, and a murmur of voices —  
(‘Oh why must they make such a din?’)  
As the door of the bedroom swung open  
And two plain clothed policemen came in:

‘Mr. Woilde, we ‘ave come for tew take yew  
Where felons and criminals dwell:  
We must ask yew tew leave with us quoietly  
For this _is_ the Cadogan Hotel.’

He rose, and he put down The Yellow Book.  
He staggered — and, terrible-eyed,  
He brushed past the plants on the staircase  
And was helped to a hansom outside.”

By the time the professor had finished her lecture, class was nearly due to be over.

“Alright class, just two things more. Tomorrow we will begin studying Wilde’s works. I shall dismiss class by ending with a quote from Wilde himself. ‘To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.’”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll come back to our boys soon, but now for a small detour. Are you ready?

Rin Matsuoka lay in his bed, waking up to the day ahead. It was the weekend, so he knew that he wouldn’t have much to do today. Groaning and rolling out of bed, the man stood naked, for that was the only way he could sleep. Shuffling around his room, he grabbed a pair of boxers and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

Standing under the hot water he pondered things in his mind, thinking of what he might like to do for the day. Haru was out of town, Makoto had moved to Tokyo for college, and everyone else was probably busy. The maroon-haired teen finished showering, dried off, and got dressed. He was scrolling through his Tumblr dashboard when he came across some photos of a super cute gay couple cuddling and it reminded him how much being single sucked.

He was unsure that he could bring himself to begin dating again, he was fairly busy with college, and training for swim meets in his spare time. Not only that, but he had his heart blast to smithereens the day before his high school graduation by his first love who he’d been pining over for a year and a half, and best friend at the time Sousuke Yamazaki.

***

It was the day before their graduation, Sousuke and Rin had been best friends since elementary school and nothing would change that. Or so they thought. They were walking to their first classes of the day at Samezuka when Sousuke blurted something he would later regret greatly.

“You know Rin, I’m not like you,” he began.

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean?” the crimson-eyed teen asked.

“You know what it means,” Sousuke stated very plainly.

7:30 in the morning and Rin was already pissed off, “No, tell me. What the hell are you trying to say?”

“I’m not a fag.”

Rin’s heart sank and he froze, dead in his tracks. It rang clear in his ears and struck him like a sword.  “I don’t have time for this shit,” said the red-head as he turned on his heels and walked away at a brisk pace muttering curses and profanities.

When he got to his class, Rin tried not to cry. He and Sousuke occasionally light-heartedly joked about Rin’s sexuality, like making innuendos about Sousuke and him, but this was the first time Rin could detect malice in Sousuke voice as he said what he did. As Rin’s head spun trying to think of all of the possibilities as to why Sousuke would say something like that, class started and Rin pushed the thought deep into his mind, hoping that he could forget about it.

***

Rin remembered that day clear as crystal. Even now he angrily clenched his fist and felt tears well in his eyes. Years of friendship ruined with one word. Only one word came to his mind: Why? Why did Sousuke say that? Even though Rin still thought about Sousuke occasionally, he knew that he was better off without him. Rin would rather focus on energy better spent than trying to restraint himself from putting another hole in the wall.

Rin wasn’t stereotypically gay per se, but then again neither were most of his gay friends. His sexuality was one thing, besides swimming, that he owned and loved about himself. Rin was an LGBT Rights Activist at his college and in his local community, he was a major proponent of his college’s LGBT Pride Club, and he loved to travel to give speeches supporting LGBT youth. Rin’s gayness was something that he would never let anyone make him feel ashamed of.

This was one of _those_ times, Rin couldn’t help but remember the good times that he had with Sousuke, but he knew that there were bad things below the memory’s surface. He remembered Sousuke’s large, chiseled body standing in front of him, telling him to get on his knees. He teared up with conflicting emotions because part of him wanted Sousuke back so badly, but the rest of him knew that he would only get abused yet again by that angry brute of a man. _No time to feel sorry,_ he said to himself. He turned on the radio to pick himself up just as the intro to _Come on Eileen_ began. He quickly started humming along to the tune and soon enough, he was dancing with a grin from ear to ear.

 _Poor old Johnny Ray_  
_Sounded sad upon the radio_  
_But he moved a million hearts in mono_  
_Our mothers cried_  
_Sang along_  
_Who'd blame them_

***

 _Aah, come on Eileen_  
_Oh, I swear (what he means)_  
_At this moment, you mean everything_  
_You in that dress, my thoughts I confess_  
_Well, they're dirty_  
_Come on Eileen_

_Come on Eileen..._

Rin flopped onto the couch and stared at the ceiling, feeling magnitudes better. Still trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his day, his mind ran through all of the possibilities. _Hiking, no. Biking? No. Study?_ Rin almost made himself laugh with that one. _I haven’t been to the pool in a while, and I could definitely use the exercise._ So he packed his jammers and some towels and headed down to the campus fitness center.\

After walking to the facilities and changing in the locker rooms, he walked out to the pool and dived in, trying to beat his previous best. He warmed up for a while then gave it all that he had. As he finished, everyone turned and saw that he shaved a few seconds off of his personal best. Everyone at the pool unanimously cheered “Shark bait hoo haha!” And Rin couldn’t help but grin, although he could do without the Nemo reference. Stepping out of the pool to take a break, Rin figured that since it was Saturday he may as well go to the club.

***

Rin got to the club, and that’s where he found _him._ That pink-haired son-of-a-bitch. That one guy that flirted with _everybody,_ especially in his friend group, which Rin was indeed a part of. The relentless teasing of just this one boy was enough to make Rin go insane, and usually not in a good way. _Kisumi._ He always had a knack for finding people he knew, even when they didn’t want to be found.

Sure enough, after a few drinks and dances, Kisumi bumps into Rin and starts chatting his mouth up obviously quite drunkenly of course. And then comes something absolutely unexpected.

“Rin, do you know how long I’ve loved you?” pinky said with a bit of a slur.

“Excuse me?” a tipsy Rin retorted.

“I’ve loved you for so long, but you’ve never noticed me. It’s sad really, spending so much time on a person,” Kisumi struck a chord in Rin.

“I know what you mean.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Kisumi was obviously quite drunk and hung on Rin.

“Oi, Kisumi.”

And Kisumi did just that, he pulled Rin in close and pushed their lips together. Rin was caught very off-guard, but he didn’t reject the kiss either. It was good to finally find some feeling in a boy. The boys embraced each other and kissed deeper, not caring who saw. Although they would dance together for the rest of the night, the last thing either of them would remember is the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Sousuke ever get over his internalized homophobia? Will Makoto ever gain the courage to tell Sousuke how he truly feels? What happens to Rin and Kisumi? Confused? You should be. Have all your answers questioned on the next episode of "Soap."  
> I was planning on posting this chapter two weeks after the posting of the first chapter, but I got it done so quickly that I figured why not. Hope you all liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everybody! I've been working on this chapter for the past week and it's kinda angsty. I'll probably be doing updates on the story without actually posting anything new, cause I need to learn how to format things just the way I want them XD

_Where in the absolute fuck am I?_ Rin looked around at his unfamiliar surroundings, his head throbbing. _What the bloody hell happened last night?_ Everything throbbed and ached. Rin didn’t know how he got to wherever he was.

“Oh good, you’re finally awake.”

That voice was definitely familiar, but who was it?

“Rin, sit up, you’re most likely dehydrated, you need fluids,” the voice said again.

Rin did as he was told and pulled himself up to drink, he was given a glass of water and kiss on the cheek.

“Where am I?” The red-head asked bluntly.

“We both got drunk and you passed out, so I called an Über driver to take us to my apartment. Oh gee, you’re so hungover you don’t even recognize me? It’s me, Kisumi.”

Kisumi… Apartment… Hangover… Oh dear god. I got drunk with Kisumi and we’re at his apartment?!

“Kisumi, what exactly happened last night? And why did you kiss me?”

“Don’t you remember Rin? You told me to kiss you, ‘Oi, kiss me’ you said.”

“No, I said ‘Oi, Kisumi.”

This time, Kisumi pushed Rin onto the couch and kissed him deeply, moving to straddle his hips. Rin pushed away, to the violet-eyed teens surprise.

“Something wrong?” Kisumi pouted.

“The fuck did you do that for?” Rin protested.

“I work as a rent boy; I’m used to doing this. Don’t worry, I’m clean,” Kisumi seemed to state proudly.

“No, I mean why did you kiss me? What’s going on here? What happened last night?” Rin started to raise his voice with his questioning.

Kisumi squirmed, trying to avoid the question. He already knew that he had revealed his feelings for Rin last night, but he wasn’t sure if Rin could reciprocate.

“I uh, I’ve loved you for so long and never knew how to tell you until it spilled out last night.” Kisumi began talking faster, “I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way, but we were both drunk and it slipped out, and then we kissed, and later you passed out and we came back here and—”

Rin cut Kisumi short so he could calm the pink-haired teen who was on the verge of hyperventilation. “Kisumi, calm down, you’re ok,” he consoled, still straddled, “Breathe, breathe, you’re ok. You’ll be ok. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Kisumi’s breathing slowed as he tried to calm down.

“Rin, I’m so sorry, I’ve fucked up so many relationships and I don’t want to fuck up anymore, especially with you,” Kisumi burst into tears.

_I don’t want to fuck up anymore._ Now that was something that struck Rin. He remembered the night that he had said that phrase to Sousuke.

***

It was a few days after Rin’s birthday in his third year at Samezuka. Late at night, the boys were sitting in Rin’s bunk chatting, after Rin had shown Sousuke new positions to use with his girlfriend. To be honest, Rin couldn’t have hated that bitch’s guts more than he already did, and he was pretty much just trying to get Sousuke to hump him even though they both kept their clothes on.

 

Rin and Sousuke’s friendship had been patchy ever since Sousuke got a new girlfriend 8 months ago and Rin tried to break them up multiple times. He knew that this girl was no good for Sousuke, but the teal-eyed teen was blinded by love (and sex).

It had happened before and Rin knew it would happen again, Sousuke would get a girlfriend and about 4 months later he would get his heart broken. Of course that was nothing compared to how Rin felt when Sousuke abandoned their friendship every time a new girl came into the equation. Sousuke would talk about his girlfriend non-stop on the occasion that the two talked. And it was when Sousuke described what happened behind closed doors that always made Rin’s heart sink.

“You know, I almost wish that we had dated and gone through a horrible break up just so that I wouldn’t have any hope left of a relationship with you,” Rin felt tears being to swell in his eyes.

“You must be joking. How can anybody possibly want that?” Sousuke was surprised that anybody could really want to go through a horrible break up.

“I’m not joking; a break up would be nothing new. I fuck up all the time, trying to keep you safe, all those times that I tried to break up you and your girlfriends…” Rin began to absolutely bawl. “I’m tired of fucking up. I don’t want to fuck up anymore!”

And for the first time in their friendship, Sousuke wrapped his arms around Rin to comfort him for a few minutes before Sousuke climbed up to his bunk and the boys fell asleep.

A few months after graduation, Sousuke’s girlfriend sure enough dumped him. Rin heard the news from a mutual friend and was told that Sousuke took it so hard that he was in denial and had nearly committed suicide. Of course Rin felt sorry for the guy, but he knew that he had done all that he could.

***

Rin wrapped his arms around Kisumi to console the violet-eyed teen. Kisumi in return wrapped his arms around Rin, buried his face into the maroon-haired teen’s chest and tried to stop his tears, his breathe hitching. The two stayed in that position for a while, appreciative of the others warmth.

“Rin, please, don’t ever leave me,” Kisumi said in a hushed voice.

“I don’t plan on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that rounds off the weekend with our second pair of boys. Thanks for keeping up with me! Also, my tumblr is http://tsukunea.tumblr.com/


End file.
